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The Thought Of

I have always been attracted to girls. yeah i think girls are gorgeous and i think the same of guys. sometimes when i'm alone i try to imagine my life being with a boy, i don't really like the idea of being with a guy. I still have thoughts like "maybe there is a guy someday that i will fall in love with, and then i think about my life with a girl, in this life i imagine myself living an eventful life the thought of being with a girl makes my stomach whirl and it makes me smile. i don't know what to label myself so i just think to myself as bi. the thing is that i'm only 12 and if i told my parents or family they would HATE me. my dad is a closeted racist he says that if i were to date a black man he would disown me and he said he would rather have me date a girl. i know i have to wait sometime to be comfortable enough to come out..but what if i feel as if i'll never be comfortable. i live in a town where there is only one gay bar an it isn't even labeled that. i've never met a gay man or a gay woman etc.. how do i come out if i'm not comfortable being labeled. i'm in so much pain. i hate eating, my mom is stressed since i'm not eating food. she gave up on me. now i have no one. my sister goes to so much parties and isn't even home anymore she just parties with her friends. i'm done i'm in such a dark place.



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